I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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