yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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