I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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