dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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