I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
