I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
