I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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