he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
