even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
