If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am mentally ready for anal.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
