my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
