I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
