Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
