So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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