Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
