it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
