so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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