Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
