I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
