you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
