i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
