i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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