ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
