Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
