she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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