I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
