thus making me awesome and them whores
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
