I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
