i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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