Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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