he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
