BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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