uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
