This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
