Can i not drive my cunt home
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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