Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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