Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
