Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if only i could text you this smell
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
