If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Success! We fucked roommates!
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