32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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