Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
