I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
