So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
