Where did you get a picture of my penis
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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