Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
