She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
