I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
