they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
