I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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