im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
