Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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