9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
