Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
