I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
