That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My cat gives me a boner
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
