Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I want is dick and wine.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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