Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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