Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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