I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
