the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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