well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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