just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
