i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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