I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
