Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's like iHOP with fire
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
